This is a question that I have to answer.
I am going to repeat the question here so everyone knows where I am starting from.
How do you feel about the necessity of taking this journey?
I don’t have an infertility problem – unless you want to call Christy a problem.
I signed up for this journey and thought that it was a great idea at the time. I told Christy that it was what I wanted to do before she even thought about it as an option. She told me she was infertile and I said “great!!”
After going through all of the trials and tribulations, I am even more excited about building my family through IVF and surrogacy. I truly believe that it’s a better idea now than in the beginning, but for completely different reasons.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking – every family has a crazy one – and we found him.
At the start of the process I am wondering: what is there not to like about IVF and surrogacy? From the media stories you get some ideas in your head – okay – I can pick the day that my child’s conceived, its sex, height, eye color, birthday, have it free of disease and choose if I want one, two, three or more babies at a time. Add in the fact that I get to knock up some random girl that I don’t know, care to know, need to know or respect in the morning. Then for the bonus round – I don’t have to live with a hormonal, pregnant woman for 9 months; and I get the perfect baby that I ordered at the end. That is the happy story (guy’s view) with a happy ending. It sounds easy enough. You throw some money at a doctor and walk away with a baby nine months later.
Tell me – what’s not to like about that way to have a baby? Yes, I know, still crazy, but still moving forward.
Do you really wonder why more guys don’t post on this board?
Okay, I understand that fantasy time doesn’t last long in the IVF world, except for the smurf zone, so let’s do a little more research and find out what we are really getting ourselves into on this journey.
So you want to order a baby????? Sure you can place an order, however, the menu is a la carte and everything has an additional cost. Oh wait, it gets even better. You can pay in full and only have a small chance of having a baby. Think about this – you save up your money and go buy a brand new car with cash. Two weeks later you go back to the car dealership to get your car and the dealer tells you that there is no car for you, sorry, and he can’t tell you why not. For some, the dealership will give you the car for a few weeks and then take it back in the middle of the night with no explanation. But hey, if you give the dealer more money he will see if he can get you a new car, this time with lower odds.
Alright, research and reality time.
The fun begins with the fact that the process is estimated to be $80,000 – $100,000 for a singleton birth. So, if I want five kids and we have them one at a time it is going to cost $400,000 – $500,000 to build our family!!!! And, by the way, your eggs expire soon so we need to do this today!!!! You can wait until tomorrow if you want, but your odds of being successful go down every day. Talk about a ticking clock.
That’s expensive, so we are going to just bury our head in the sand and move forward. Well, at least finding the surro will be easy. We will look at the Catalog and just pick one. What do you mean that’s not how it works? You’re going to tell me that we have to use a human, but she has emotions, feelings, opinions, a husband, kids, friends and a life?
So, as a couple we need to match up with another couple to have our baby. Whoa!!! I sure expect everything to go smooth in this relationship.
Well, this is going downhill fast for me, but I can still build the perfect child with PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis). We get to pick which embryo to implant and who lives. We get to choose the best one with the best chance of being genetically superior. Out of every fantasy that I had this one is the biggest BS. Going through IVF we get to know more details in advance than others, but in the end GOD still picks who sticks.
Let’s see if I can win this one. I get to control the date of birth. Nope. Throw in a failed transfer, or two, or three, and you are months off schedule. Then a singleton and twins have different dates. No luck here either.
All that aside, I still get the advantage of not having to live with a hormonal pregnant women for nine months. At least one thing will break in my favor, right? Well, I don’t even get that one in my favor. We have so many women in our lives that are trying, wanting, currently are, or just finished being pregnant it is amazing. We live on pregnancy island.
Everything positive I ever expected from IVF and Surrogacy has been taken away from me and I have just been left with the bill. Is this really a good idea?
Yet, I still think that this journey is the best way that I could ever build my family. My thoughts have changed from juvenile personal interests to what is truly best for my children.
For us, there are no “oops there it is” babies. These children will only arrive through a long hard fight and the love of many. Our children are known all over the world already. Everyone on this board already knows our children. Our children get to live a life that begins much earlier than babies born through a normal pregnancy. That makes them unique and special.
As a kid, I remember taking family trips across the country. We would stop in different states and see family members who always said, “I knew you as a baby.” Just imagine the trips that we will be able to take our kids on, and the “I knew you when” stories that they will have to hear for their entire life. How much fun will it be to torture them???
I look at the amount of people that are cheering our children on and think of how special that is for them. Most normal babies have only a few friends and family members that are rooting for them. I actually feel sorry for them.
Most of the time a normal family that has four or five kids will have them about 18 months apart. That makes the oldest child much older than the youngest. I have two older siblings that are seven and nine years older than me. They were more like a second set of parents instead of siblings.
Through IVF we could have our whole family born within a short time of each other. This will allow our kids to have the bonds of twins while still being individuals with their own birthdays. I think of them growing? up together as great friends with a fun inside joke that they will play their entire life. It would go something like “we have the same mom and dad, but we are only born a few months apart.”
I look at the amount of people willing to help our children and see that they are already blessed. The Surrogates and their husband’s that wanted to help us have a baby. They made a choice to join us on the roller coaster called IVF and surrogacy. I can’t imagine the sacrifice that takes or the stress it would add to a family. Through our Surrogacy journey the only negative part to me is that they had to go through our struggles and pain.
I appreciated their efforts and the fact that they joined us on our wild Surrogacy rides.
I am going to repeat the question here so everyone knows where I am ending.
How do you feel about the necessity of taking this journey?
I fully embrace the necessity of this journey. It’s not simply about making the perfect baby to me anymore. This journey is my children’s life story. Through their close relationship to each other from being born so close together, to the love that they get from people all over the US that knew them long before they were born.
The most important thing in a child’s life is to be loved. In a normal birth this might be limited to friends and family, plus the husband and wife for a total of maybe 5-20 people. Through the strength of Christy’s love for our children, they already have many times that number loving them. That makes all of the money spent on IVF and surrogacy worth it!!!!
So I started this by asking – is Christy the problem?
The truth is that she is the answer! Through the love of their mother, our children will be born and this Surrogacy journey will define them.
We will be going on a pre-birth journey that will last about a year, while for our children, this will be their journey forever.